I wrote this post earlier today, visited Sunday Scribblings to check the prompt for the week and it's BIRTH. Spooky! Guess my SS for this week is already done.
When I was a girl, all I wanted to do when I grew up, was get married and have a family. I met a man who already had 2 daughters and 1 step-daughter and he told me from the start, he didn't want any more children. I married him anyway, I believed he'd change his mind because I thought people who loved each other would want to have a family together. I know that's not always the case but I was young and that was truly what I believed at the time.
His children were very young, H was still in nappies. As time went on, I became very close to them and felt that even though I was not their biological mother, I did my part in raising them. My husband decided to get a vasectomy and even though I was sad, I felt I had raised his children as my own and therefore fulfilled my dream of being a mother.
Now I'm 42 years old, my marriage has ended and I've been told that the children I sacrificed having my own children for, no longer want me in their lives. The clock has started ticking. I hear it in the background of my mind every day...tick tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.
My new man has children of his own but he knows how much I wanted to have a child. I notice how I write 'wanted'. When I was married, I accepted the fact I wouldn't have children of my own but now I have the option. It's a huge decision. What if I decide I want to become pregnant but my body has other ideas? The older I get, the higher the risks of complications and miscarriage and the harder it is to conceive.
It's all very confusing. Some days I think, I am happy with my life and I am too old to have a child. Other days, having a child is all I think about. Am I being selfish considering having children at my age? Am I wanting to fill the void the girls have left behind? I just wish I had more time to figure it all out.
What are your thoughts on pregnancy for the over 40's? What age where you or your partner when you/they gave birth?
Right, that's my ramble for the day. It's pouring with rain outside so I intend to stay inside,read my book and forget about babies for a while.
P.S. Follow the link to SS on the sidebar if you'd like to make a contribution.