Sunday, 20 June 2010

Making Babies

I wrote this post earlier today, visited Sunday Scribblings to check the prompt for the week and it's BIRTH. Spooky! Guess my SS for this week is already done.

When I was a girl, all I wanted to do when I grew up, was get married and have a family. I met a man who already had 2 daughters and 1 step-daughter and he told me from the start, he didn't want any more children. I married him anyway, I believed he'd change his mind because I thought people who loved each other would want to have a family together. I know that's not always the case but I was young and that was truly what I believed at the time.

His children were very young, H was still in nappies. As time went on, I became very close to them and felt that even though I was not their biological mother, I did my part in raising them. My husband decided to get a vasectomy and even though I was sad, I felt I had raised his children as my own and therefore fulfilled my dream of being a mother.

Now I'm 42 years old, my marriage has ended and I've been told that the children I sacrificed having my own children for, no longer want me in their lives. The clock has started ticking. I hear it in the background of my mind every day...tick tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

My new man has children of his own but he knows how much I wanted to have a child. I notice how I write 'wanted'. When I was married, I accepted the fact I wouldn't have children of my own but now I have the option. It's a huge decision. What if I decide I want to become pregnant but my body has other ideas? The older I get, the higher the risks of complications and miscarriage and the harder it is to conceive.

It's all very confusing. Some days I think, I am happy with my life and I am too old to have a child. Other days, having a child is all I think about. Am I being selfish considering having children at my age? Am I wanting to fill the void the girls have left behind? I just wish I had more time to figure it all out.

What are your thoughts on pregnancy for the over 40's? What age where you or your partner when you/they gave birth?

Right, that's my ramble for the day. It's pouring with rain outside so I intend to stay inside,read my book and forget about babies for a while.

Love KB

P.S. Follow the link to SS on the sidebar if you'd like to make a contribution.


Nazish Rahman said...

So much was hidden behind a smile...i feel for ya. Thats how people are..we humans are so foolish...emotional fools. It feels sad that u gave all your love of a mother and sacrificed for those who never cared.
It all depends on how your body is ready to take ...and mind too. There are many woman who are getting pregnant after 40. It would b better to get a check up with a doctor who would be the best person to advise u as knowing how your body would respond.

Anonymous said...

((((((((((((((((((((KB))))))))))))))))))))) I don't really know what to say but you know I'll support you no matter what you decide.

Missy said...

It's true what Nazish says, career minded women put of having babies until their 40's and even 50's now, the thing is check with your doctor.

Have him/her give you a run down of your medical and see what the possibilities are of you carrying a baby full term without complications.

You know though if you are going to consider it, it'd be good to give up the red and white and blush and everything inbetween :) you want to give your child the best internal living conditions you can. Too if there is smoking, it might be good to give it up and ask peeps to smoke outside the house :)

Karen if you're in good health, you don't have a family history of major health problems, that is a good thing. It's a whole new ball game having a child, but sweetie, from one mom to a potential mom it's not something you'll regret when that babe would be laid in your arms.

Motherhood is worth the hours of labour and sleeplessness, motherhood is truly a precious gift.

In the end though my dear, it'll have to be something you ultimately decide upon and discuss with Steve.

Love you oodles and gobs

gs batty said...

if you and whitesnake can't bring a baby into a house of love, no one can. go for it. I can't wait to see a toddler crawling around your blog.

linda may said...

Stay positive, you never now what the future holds, good luck.

Whitesnake said...

WE will make choices that best suit us. Those choices we will live with. We can all look back at what was and what could have been.
IF it is meant to be then it will!
You know how much I love you and you also know my thoughts there is no expectations.
I just love you babe, what will be will be. All that will happen is that I will love you even more no matter which way the cards fall or the dice roll.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

I am 48 and often say, if the situation was right, I would try again. So - if your situation is right, try. Again.

Read my Sunday Scribble here.

Anonymous said...

Whatever you decide, be assured I'll be 100% behind you. But to my mind there's only one way to go and I hope you take that route.

Understanding Alice said...

its so hard isnt it. Even when we see the reasons for not having children, somehow that deep instinct still murmers on. I think the main thing is to take time to consider why we want children, make a choice and also choose not to regret it - life is what it is, there no point wasting away for the one we dont have.

KB said...

Thank you so much for all your comments. I appreciate your feedback.


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