WHO AM I?

I feel another ramble come on, hehe!

A few things happened over the last couple of days which got me thinking about my blog and privacy. What privacy? I hear you ask.

Firstly, one of my blog buddies who I have know for a long time, commented that I am a very public person and wear my heart on my sleeve. This is true in the internet world but not in real life. I believe I am very open with people when I meet them face to face but I would tell very few people I know the things I discuss with you nutters. So I considered this for a while, deciding it was all good.

The next day, I watched House on telly. LOVE HOUSE! The episode was about a blogger and the different characters gave their opinions about how much you should share with strangers, etc. Mind starts ticking over again and I begin to get a bad feeling.

Next day, some people who don't know me but know someone I know (confused?)read my ramble, poetry, looked at pics and so forth. I heard from another source that they giggled over something I wrote (which meant a lot to me). These are people I may meet some day and I felt really upset. Silly I know as I post all this in public but I felt quite sick, like some stranger had picked up my diary, read it and then trashed it. Even as I write that, I feel like I am overreacting but that is honestly how I felt. Like my life and feelings were are a big joke.

So, now I feel quite confused. I am still the same private person - face to face. Most of you here know more about me than my family. When I first started blogging, I had some privacy because my journal was 'invited' friends only. I began slowly revealing little pieces at a time. Now I feel so connected to some of you in the blog world that I want to tell you everything. I value your advice and your opinions. I find writing an easier way to express myself than talking. I've always been that way. I don't think about what I am going to write. I sit, I begin to type and what comes out is basically what I post. Sometimes, I don't really know what the post was about until I read it back. All I know is, I write it and I feel better. It's makes room in my brain for other stuff, LOL!

It's not like I have many other people to talk to face to face anymore. I tell Steve EVERYTHING but sometimes I need to connect with others. I can't exactly call up my Mum and say...so Mum I felt like jumping off a tall building yesterday and was wondering if you had some advice. She'd be worried sick.

What to do, what to do? I think I'll just keep doing what I do. I don't mind if complete strangers read what I write, I don't mind if people who know me read what I write. I think what upset me was the fact I wrote something on here which I usually wouldn't say out loud and someone who didn't know me laughed about it.I'm sure it was not meant to be a bad thing, at least I got a reaction I suppose. If they knew me in real life, they wouldn't have done that because they would know what a big deal that is. Or we would have laughed about it together, which is different.

I guess what I have figured out is...my blog is part of me, I don't want to edit it as it would be like editing myself. I write here the things I wish I could say out loud. It's my voice. This is the real me, others can either accept this or not. I have to get over the fact that not everyone can like me and I just need to be myself.

You people who read my blog are the lucky ones...you get to know the real me and besides Steve and my parents...I think you're the ones who love me best.

Love ya
KB
XXX