Out of control

In the past I was in a controlling relationship, but when I tried to reach out to certain people they said I was overreacting or I should stick around and sort through the problems in the relationship. Thankfully, I came to my senses and eventually left the relationship, but although I believed I was emotionally abused for a long period of time, a part of me still believed what I'd been told and that maybe it wasn't as bad as I remembered. Even as I write this I find myself editing myself in case he reads this. Still afraid to be me when it comes to him.

Anyway, today I was researching the subject of 'controlling behaviour' for an article I intended to write for the Helium website. I was shocked by what I read, the controlling behaviour described could have been written about him and the way I reacted to him, there it was in black and white. I felt sick at first, followed by anger and a few tears. I'm not sure how I feel now, but I feel better. Since I left, there have been days I have struggled with the past and how it has changed me. I have felt guilty for the way I left him, especially after he made himself the victim in all this. I know I have done wrong and have to accept some responsibility for the problems in the relationship, but it helps me to see it printed in black and white, by professionals, that the way he treated me was wrong and to know that I shouldn't have had to go through that. It wasn't my fault.


Thankfully, I have found a wonderful person who accepts and loves me just the way I am, doesn't want me to change into someone I'm not, treats me as an equal and listens to what I have to say. I'm truly thankful for him every day.

Well I finally finished my article, didn't need much research help in the end, I knew enough on the subject as it turns out.


Love KB
xxx