Do you ever feel like there's so much going on around you but you're standing still? That's how I've been feeling lately. There are important decisions I need to make and results I need to chase up but I'm getting caught up in the day to day stuff instead of taking care of business.
I feel so tired, not physically...emotionally. Not necessarily in a bad way either. Steve and I are very happy with each other but we both have lots of baggage we have brought to our relationship. I think I can speak for Steve too, our life is like a roller coaster at the moment. Outside interference has us up and down on a daily basis. Big sigh. I want to take him by the hand and escape to a desert island for a few months. I know running away isn't the answer because all the crap that needs to be taken care of will still be here when we get back. In the past, I would ramble on here or in my journal or in emails to Steve but even that was taken away from me. Nothing like knowing your private thoughts and dreams had been read by another and thrown back in your face. It's difficult to get back to expressing yourself honestly when your privacy has been invaded in such a way.
Anyway, I've decided I need to take back control of my life instead of letting it control me. I'm hoping rambling here and in my private journal (which I know will remain private ) will help me find my way.
I've already begun doing some things this week to get me back on track. Just monitoring really...wearing pedometer, researching health issues I have, that type of thing. I'm going to go away now and come up with a plan for next week. I've been doing this every week for a month but not following through. Perhaps putting it in writing will make a difference this time.
I would like to say this, leaving my old life has been the hardest thing I've ever done...I know some people in blog land who are thinking of doing the same thing. Consider things carefully, you have much to lose and make sure you have some strong support before you do it. If I hadn't had the support of Steve and my parents, I would be a basket case right now. I do have regrets about the way I handled the situation and the people who are now lost to me but it had to be done. When I wake up in the morning and see Steve next to me, I feel so blessed. He is my everything and I know that together we can accomplish many wonderful things.
Thanks for making it to the end of my ramble.