FLASH 55 - A PRIVATE ORDEAL

Sometimes I feel anxious inside
Need to escape, run and hide
Hard to move, the walls closing in
Heart pounding, a terrible din
Beginning to sweat now, starting to shake
I knew coming out was a huge mistake
Leaving early ,friends think I'm mad
Hard to explain...
I've missed half the great times we've had

I wrote this poem about five years ago. The original version is much longer but I hope you still understand the meaning. It was a very hard time in my life; I suffered severe anxiety attacks on a daily basis. I had no idea at the time what I was experiencing and I thought I was going quite mad. It got to the stage I couldn't go out anywhere in public without feeling anxious and of course, the more I worried about it, the worse the anxiety became. Luckily, I went to the Doc and she explained to me that what I was going through was very common and I wasn't losing my mind.

It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't suffered an anxiety attack, what it's like. For me it was like having an outer body experience, I was there but not, as it where. I was so involved with what was going through my mind and the sensations my body was experiencing...reality would blur and all I could think about was removing myself from the situation.

I still have the occasional anxiety attack but they are few and far between. I've accepted the fact, anxiety will always be my 'Achilles heel'

You may be wondering why I am sharing this here. One of the surprising things I learned from all this was, how many people I know who have suffered through anxiety at some stage in their lives. Why didn't they say something? Knowing I wasn't alone would have made the whole experience so much easier for me.

If you suffer from anxiety or know someone who does...talk about it, it truly does help.

Ha, you all thought I called myself Krazy cause I like to act the fool. Well now ya know, I really am a nutter and proud of it.

Love ya
KB
xxxxxxx